Falling in love can feel like a dream come true. You’ve found someone special – your perfect match. All you want to do is draw them nearer and hold on tight, right?
Not so fast.
While building closeness is important in a romantic relationship, there’s also a crucial element of tension and uncertainty that fuels desire. Get too comfortable too soon, and the fire fizzles out.
This is why experts recommend occasionally pushing away the woman you love, even if you’re crazy about her. It may seem counterintuitive, but it’s a scientifically proven attraction strategy that works.
The Pull of Passion – Why We’re Drawn to What We Can’t Fully Have
Imagine you’re browsing an antique shop when you spot something that catches your eye – an ornate mirror or a vintage clock perhaps. You pick it up, examining every angle with great curiosity. This peculiar object has your full attention at that moment.
But then the shopkeeper says, “Sorry, that piece isn’t for sale.”
Suddenly, you want it more than ever before! Even if you were only mildly interested initially, being denied access increases your desire exponentially.
This “push-pull” dynamic applies to romantic relationships too. We tend to covet what feels just beyond our grasp. If someone showers us with constant affection and availability, we start to take them for granted. However, if they become less attentive or pull away occasionally, we appreciate them more and work harder to reconnect.
Like tickling a sleeping dragon, strategic acts of emotional distancing awaken fiery passion and intensify attraction. Wielded correctly, push-pull is a powerful tool for strengthening romantic bonds. But use it clumsily, and you might get burned.
Why “Playing Hard to Get” Works – The Science Behind This Dating Tactic
Push-pull techniques, sometimes known as “playing hard to get”, have been utilized for centuries. But why does this counterintuitive seduction strategy work so well?
Several psychological factors are at play:
scarcity increases value – by being less available, your time and attention become a scarce resource, making you seem more valuable as a romantic prospect.
uncertainty creates excitement – sporadic reinforcement of affection keeps things exciting, while consistent reinforcement leads to habituation.
contrast highlights positives – after distance, moments of closeness feel even sweeter by comparison.
confidence is compelling – nor prioritizing your love interest communicates self-confidence and high self-worth.
Of course, taken too far “playing hard to get” can backfire. But when harnessed artfully, it takes attraction to thrilling new heights.
3 Science-Backed Examples of Pushing Away to Pull Them In
Let’s explore some research-supported ways to strategically employ push-pull techniques and the psychological effects they trigger:
1. Playful Teasing
Gentle ribbing communicates affection while also establishing emotional distance.
Why it works:
- Signals confidence and wit
- Creates exciting uncertainty
- Prevents over-familiarity
Example: “You seem pretty cool so far. I’ll try not to hold your terrible taste in music against you.”
2. Cultivating Mystery
Allowing some mystery about your schedule or daily activities preserves an element of the unknown.
Why it works:
- Makes you appear “hard to get”
- Leaves them wanting to know more
- Prevents taking you for granted
Example: Declining to share details about your weekend plans when asked.
3. Delayed Gratification
Avoid catering to all their wishes right away. Don’t always be immediately available. Let requested favors wait a few days before fulfilling them. Research shows anticipation amplifies satisfaction.
Why it works:
- Builds eager anticipation
- Makes rewards more enjoyable
- Establishes you’re not “easy”
Example: Waiting a day or two to respond enthusiastically to a date invitation.
Using Push-Pull with Skill – Avoiding Pitfalls
Implementing push-pull requires tact. Here are some tips to avoid common mistakes:
Don’t overdo it – Occasional emotional distance is good. Chronic distance is destructive. Make sure plenty of positivity balances the tension.
Watch your tone – Teasing should seem playful not hostile. Don’t actually criticize their character or traits.
Pull them back in – After a push, reconnect with focused attention and affection. This highlights the contrast.
Read their signals – Note reactions and adjust your approach accordingly. Don’t push too far beyond their comfort zone.
Emphasize their freedom – Remind them you’re not making demands or seeking control over their choices.
The yin-yang of intimacy requires both coming together and moving apart. Master the delicate dance of push-pull, and passion stays red hot for the long haul.
5 Telltale Signs Push-Pull is Working Wonders
When skillfully applied, using strategic emotional distance as an attraction tactic produces observable results. Watch for these cues:
- Increased initiative – They start contacting you more frequently, planning dates, and pursuing meetups.
- Rising investment – They prioritize you over other obligations and make more time for the relationship.
- Expressions of sentiment – Spontaneous utterances of liking, missing you, thinking about you, etc.
- Physical escalation – Touches, hugs, kisses, and other affectionate gestures occur more often.
- Undivided attention – When together, you have their full mental focus with no distractions.
Seeing these reactions serves as positive feedback, indicating your push-pull techniques are succeeding. Lean into what’s working while making adjustments where needed.
Should You Use Push-Pull Tactics or Just Be Real?
Some criticize push-pull attraction techniques as manipulative “playing games.” They argue you should just be genuine instead.
This concern has some validity. No one wants to feel tricked or misled. However, thoughtfully employing push-pull methods isn’t inherently dishonest.
In fact, since no one discloses their entire inner world on day one, keeping some mystery is authentic. And being appropriately selective with your time and attention is simply establishing healthy boundaries.
Here are a few key distinctions:
Genuine push-pull originates from your core values and honors your real needs. Contrived push-pull intentionally manipulates solely for an agenda.
Tactful push-pull is about adjusting the pace and mix of intimacy as it organically unfolds. Deceptive push-pull gives blatantly false impressions.
Judicious push-pull maintain self-respect. Reckless push-pull disregards what’s best for both people.
Empowering push-pull inspires them to step up. Punishing push-pull tears them down.
So implement push-pull authentically, not artificially. With wisdom and benevolence, it can strengthen bonds that last beyond the heat of passion.
Healthy Communication – The Antidote to Push-Pull Gone Awry
Of course, emotional distancing tactics can also turn unhealthy. Silent treatments, ambiguity, and mixed messages often generate anxiety instead of attraction.
If you suspect your use of push-pull is doing more harm than good, there’s a simple solution – talk it out!
Have an honest, vulnerable discussion about needs and expectations. Explain your intent is not to hurt or confuse but rather to build passion. If desired, agree on “ground rules” that make you both feel secure.
Open communication transforms push-pull from a toxic game into a collaborative intimate dance. And isn’t that what lasting love is really all about – moving closer, moving apart, and staying in sync together?
In Closing – The Bottom Line on Push-Pull Psychology
While it may seem counterintuitive at first, thoughtfully employing emotional distancing techniques can profoundly amplify romantic attraction – as long as you avoid common pitfalls.
Science confirms that a certain measure of uncertainty and unavailability fuels the flames of passion in the initial stages of dating. But be sure to balance push with plenty of pull.
With skill and empathy, you can harness push-pull dynamics to take your relationship to exhilarating new heights. Just remain authentic, pay attention, and keep communicating.
So the next time you feel like drawing your partner near, don’t hesitate to first playfully nudge them away. That gentle push sets the stage for an even more glorious pull – bringing you back together ecstatically entwined in the unbreakable bonds of true love.
