How can you tell if your date is battling a serious case of first-date jitters?
Recognizing the signs of nervousness in a guy can help you understand his behavior better and even make your date feel more comfortable in the process.
In this comprehensive guide, I’ll walk through the most common signs that indicate a guy is really nervous before or during a first date.
We’ll also look at why men often feel greater anxiety in dating situations and how to respond when you sense your date just can’t seem to shake those first date nerves.
[If you’re also feeling anxious about the date, check out our guide on how to deal with dating anxiety for some helpful tips.]
Physical Signs of Nervousness in Men During a First Date
It’s not uncommon for feelings of anxiety and stress to manifest physically in the body. Here are some of the most tell-tale physical signs that your date just can’t keep his nervousness bottled up:
Fidgeting and Restless Body Language
Does your date seem unable to sit still? Is he constantly fiddling with his fingers, bouncing his legs, or tapping his feet?
Excessive fidgeting or restless body language can point to nerves. When a man is feeling anxious about a date, all that nervous energy has to go somewhere.
For many men, it ends up getting released through compulsive movements like drumming the fingers on the table or jiggling the keys in their pocket. Fidgeting gives their body an outlet for pent-up anxious feelings.
Sweating More Than Usual
If your date is suspiciously shiny or has visible sweat stains on his shirt, his sweat glands may be working in overdrive due to a nervous system in overdrive.
Stress and anxiety activate the body’s sympathetic nervous system, preparing it for perceived threats. This ramps up physiological processes like perspiration.
Excessive sweating is a classic sign that a guy is battling some serious nerves during your date. An anxious mind can easily trigger a sweaty body.
Shaky Hands or Trembling Voice
Shaky hands or a trembling voice can also indicate anxiety for some men, especially in nerve-wracking dating scenarios.
When the nerves kick in, it triggers physiological responses like adrenaline surges and muscle tension. This can lead to visibly shaky hands that he can’t seem to control.
A trembling voice results from tense vocal cords and throat muscles as he struggles to make conversation despite feeling anxious. Both shaky hands and voice point to feeling rattled.
Frequent Throat Clearing or Coughing
Throat clearing and coughing can also stem from date nerves.
When feeling anxious, digestive processes slow down, and mucus production increases. This can lead to an annoying tickle or feeling of phlegm in the throat that prompts frequent clearing.
Excess throat clearing or coughing when there’s no actual illness can signify underlying tension. It’s his body’s way of trying to literally “clear” the stress away.
Behavioral Indicators That He’s Nervous
In addition to physical signs, your date’s behavior may also reveal just how nervous he’s feeling. Here are some common nervous behavioral patterns to look out for:
Talking Too Much or Too Little
Does your date either dominate the conversation or seem strangely quiet? Both excessive talking and silence can indicate anxiety.
Some anxious guys cope by chattering non-stop out of nerves. Others clam up and have trouble speaking at all. Both extremes signal discomfort.
Aimless rambling about surface-level topics with few substantive comments can also point to a racing mind struggling to focus.
Awkward Pauses in Conversation
If your date seems comfortable and engaged one minute but distant and silent the next, his zig-zagging behavior could reflect inner turmoil.
Stress leads to emotional rollercoasters. One misstep and his nerves send him inward, causing awkward pauses and halting conversation.
These conversational gaps indicate he may constantly be second-guessing himself. The awkward silence speaks volumes about his mental state.
Accidentally Saying the Wrong Things
When feeling anxious, it can be hard to retain focus or think before speaking. Nerves may lead to blurting out the wrong thing.
Your date may make an inappropriate joke or reference something too personal too soon when his mental filter fails him.
Anxious rambling and verbal slip-ups show his nerves are clouding his judgment. His mouth gets ahead of his mind.
Overcompensating with Jokes or Showing Off
Does your date try a little too hard to be funny or cool? Using humor or showing off to overcompensate is a classic nervous male response.
When anxiety strikes, some men try to overcorrect by becoming class clowns or bragging. It’s an attempt to mask nerves but the effort is all too obvious.
Humor and showing off betray his underlying self-consciousness. He’s trying to manage your perceptions because of his own insecurity.
How Nervousness Affects His Actions and Decision-Making
For some men, anxiety doesn’t just manifest in what they say but also in what they do. Here’s how nerves may impact your date’s coordination and choices.
Clumsiness or Spilling Drinks
Has your date bumped into things or tripped a few times so far? Or did he just knock over his drink for the second time?
Nervousness can be seriously impacting his coordination and motor functions. Stress diverts focus from physical tasks, causing clumsiness.
His nerves are likely making him hyper-aware of every action, ironically leading to more mess-ups. Try not to call attention to any stumbles.
Forgetting Important Details or Plans
If your date forgot where you planned to meet or what movie you wanted to see, his mind may be scattered from anxiety.
High-stress levels impair cognitive functions like memory. Anxiety also narrows the focus to immediate stimuli instead of retaining information.
Cut him some slack for any absent-mindedness. His mental energy is occupied wrestling with his nerves.
Making Hasty or Indecisive Choices
Your date may seem to have trouble making up his mind under pressure. Or he may make rushed snap decisions and change plans on a whim.
Overthinking from anxiety can lead to either paralyzing indecision or abrupt choices he later regrets. His judgment is compromised.
Try to be patient if he struggles with choices or flip-flops around due to stress muddling his thinking.
Overreacting to Small Issues or Mishaps
Does your date get flustered by minor inconveniences or perceived missteps? His outsized reactions point to frayed nerves.
When anxious, small frustrations feel amplified. He may obsess or get visibly upset by things he’d otherwise shrug off.
Cut him some slack for overreacting. What seems trivial to you carries great significance in his anxious state of mind.
Subtle Clues That Reveal His Anxiety
Because some guys try to hide first-date nerves, you may also need to look for subtle physical and behavioral clues that anxiety lurks under the surface.
Avoiding Eye Contact or Staring Too Intensely
Your date may avoid frequent eye contact, or he may stare at you too fixedly. Both extremes can signal discomfort.
Lack of eye contact stems from insecurity and feeling too vulnerable in making a connection. Intense staring reflects efforts to “read” you and over-analyze reactions.
Frequently Checking His Phone or Watch
Glancing at his phone or watch often, especially when you’re talking, can reveal concealed anxiety.
He may be compulsively checking the time as he eagerly anticipates the date ending or waiting for texts as a distraction from discomfort.
Adjusting His Appearance More Often Than Necessary
Is your date constantly checking his hair or straightening his clothes? Does he seem distracted scanning the room?
Fussing with his looks and surveying the environment screams inner turmoil. He’s projecting focus outward to avoid facing his nerves.
Mimicking Your Body Language Subconsciously
Notice your date copying your hand gestures or posture? Mirroring body language is a self-soothing response.
Subconsciously he feels more at ease matching your nonverbals. It allows him to better “fit in” when he feels out of place and anxious.
How to Respond When You Notice He’s Nervous
Once you identify signs of first date anxiety, you’re faced with the question of how to react. Here are constructive ways to respond.
Ways to Help Him Feel More Comfortable
- Break the touch barrier in small ways – a hand on his arm or shoulder can be calming
- Offer words of reassurance to help put him at ease
- Suggest a change of location or activity when you sense him tensing up
- Share vulnerable stories or embarrassing moments from your own life to even the playing field
Topics to Discuss That May Ease Tension
- Funny childhood memories help lighten the mood
- Your favorite places in the city make for an easy chat topic
- Movies or TV shows you both enjoy redirect focus
- Planning dream vacations together provides escapism
Activities That Can Help Reduce Anxiety on a First Date
- Playing mini golf or another game releases competitive energy
- Seeing a comedy show provides laughs and bonding
- Grabbing ice cream gives you something sweet to enjoy together
- Taking a walk side-by-side creates movement and momentum
When Nervousness Might Be a Red Flag
For some men, first date nerves go beyond normal jitters. Here are signs that call for greater concern:
Distinguishing Between Normal Jitters and Concerning Behavior
- Average nerves: Short-lived fidgeting or sweating
- Red flag nerves: Prolonged shaking, panic attack symptoms
- Average nerves: Brief introverted moments
- Red flag nerves: Barely speaking or unable to make eye contact
- Average nerves: Occasional faux pas
- Red flag nerves: Highly inappropriate or offensive remarks
Signs That His Nervousness May Indicate Deeper Issues
- His anxiety causes him to be rude, angry, or irritable
- He drinks excessively to calm himself down
- He is unable to take you reassuring him and stays locked in negative thought patterns
- He has extreme reactions to minor setbacks that halt all functioning
These could indicate an anxiety disorder, nervous breakdown issues, or emotional instability/immaturity. Proceed carefully.
Conclusion
By recognizing and responding positively to signs of nervousness, you’re not just easing tension – you’re laying the groundwork for a potentially great relationship.
In the end, a little nervousness on a first date is a reminder that behind the jitters is a person hoping to connect, just like you.
By understanding these signs and responding with empathy, you’re not just decoding behavior – you’re opening the door to genuine human connection. And isn’t that what dating is all about?
While we’ve focused on signs of nervousness in men, it’s also helpful to understand what men look for on a first date. This knowledge can help you navigate the date more confidently.
