Romantic relationships can be complicated. Despite the deep connection and affection, partners will inevitably have differences in interests, values, and preferences.
And this can lead to frustration when one person feels obligated to repeatedly compromise their true desires to appease their significant other.
However, being in a loving partnership does not necessitate relinquishing your individuality or freedom of choice. With many tactics, you can do only what you want while maintaining a fulfilling relationship.
Why You Should Do What You Want
When you’re in a partnership, your individual identity doesn’t dissolve. You’re still a fully realized person with your own likes, passions, and preferences. Suppressing these core pieces of yourself, even in an attempt to avoid conflict with your partner, inevitably backfires. For example:
- You may grow to despise activities or traditions your significant other enjoys but you don’t. This hidden distaste can curdle into contempt.
- Bottling up grievances and unhappiness causes them to fester. Pretending everything is fine when it does not lead to emotional distance and dishonesty.
- Trying to be someone you’re not is exhausting. You feel drained and joyless, which breeds resentment.
- Envy can take root when you see friends freely pursuing their interests while you don’t make time for yours.
As the old adage goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup. When you consistently put your partner’s wants ahead of your own, your inner well runs dry. You have nothing left to give. The relationship suffers.
This isn’t to say you should act purely selfishly and ignore your mate’s needs. But a healthy, sustainable partnership involves give and take. You respect your individual wants while also supporting each other.
Tips for Voicing Your Needs While Respecting Theirs
Speaking up for yourself can be hard, especially if you’re prone to people-pleasing. But there are effective ways to do it while strengthening, not straining, your bond.
Plan Ahead
Don’t let frustrations accumulate to the bursting point. When something is bothering you, address it promptly in a calm manner. For example:
“Hey babe, are you free to chat for a bit? There’s something on my mind I want to discuss about our weekend plans.”
This prevents anger from hijacking the conversation. Your goal is to reach an understanding, not provoke a fight.
Use “I” Statements
Talk about your wants and feelings from your perspective. Don’t point fingers or assign blame. For example:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed with how much we’ve been focusing on your hobbies lately. I miss having time for my interests too.”
This framing is less confrontational than saying “You’re so selfish about doing things you like!”
Listen and Compromise
After expressing your needs, allow your partner to do the same. Have an open dialogue where you both feel heard. Then you can find solutions that make you both happier.
Maybe you agree to spend one weekend a month solely pursuing your individual interests apart from each other. Or you take turns choosing activities. As long as both people give a little, you can reach an accord.
Don’t Be a Martyr
If you’ve voiced your wants but your mate still doesn’t seem to care, don’t just grin and bear it. This breeds toxic dysfunction. Continually putting your partner first at your own expense just enables their selfish behavior.
You deserve to be with someone who values your fulfillment as much as their own. Keep advocating for yourself rather than settling for breadcrumbs.
Making Time for Your Passions
When you’re coupled up, it can be easy to let your hobbies and passions fall by the wayside. You spend all your free time together, so your individual interests get neglected. But setting aside time to do what you love is crucial. Here are some tips:
Schedule It
Don’t just vaguely promise yourself you’ll make time. Actually, block offset hours in your calendar dedicated to your pursuits. Honor these commitments with yourself just as you would plan with your partner.
Take Turns Picking Activities
Trade-off who gets to decide how you spend your weekends or days off. That way you each alternately indulge in stuff the other person may not be into.
Cultivate Some Separate Friend Groups
Have some friends that are just your own so you can freely geek out over niche interests your partner doesn’t necessarily share.
Speak Up About Gift Ideas
Don’t just smile and nod if your partner suggests gifts related to their hobbies for your birthday. Tactfully guide them toward stuff you actually want.
Remember, It’s Okay to Do Things Alone Sometimes
You don’t have to do everything together all the time. Occasionally indulging in solo time to pursue your passions is healthy.
Take a Class or Join a Group
For example, if you love painting, take an art class by yourself so you can focus just on your creative fulfillment. Or join hiking buddies to indulge your outdoorsy side.
Schedule Micro-Adventures
Can’t carve out a whole weekend for your interests? That’s okay. Even an hour or two indulging a passion mid-week can revive your spirit. Prioritize what nourishes you.
Chat About It
Enthusiastically share details about your hobby with your partner! When you gush about what excites you, it helps your significant other appreciate why this matters so much to you.
Set Healthy Boundaries
If your mate guilt trips you for spending time doing your own thing, don’t tolerate it. Politely but firmly explain this is non-negotiable self-care for you.
You deserve to celebrate all your facets, not just the version of yourself in a relationship. Embrace doing what lights you up. When your cup is full, your partnership reaps the rewards too. A win-win!
Nurturing Individuality While Growing Together
Part of what makes the beginning of a relationship intoxicating is discovering each other’s quirks and passions. You delight in all the ways you’re perfectly compatible yet wonderfully unique.
But sometimes in the comfort of coupledom, those separatenesses get blurred. You present a unified front to the world. While bonding is beautiful, don’t let it come at the expense of your individual spirit.
Here are tips for maintaining a sense of self as your partnership matures:
Keep Dating Your Partner
Don’t let date nights fizzle out. Continue wooing each other with the same curiosity, playfulness, and charm that drew you together. Share new adventures, reveal more layers, and reignite that spark.
Express Your Authentic Self
Don’t shy away from gushing about issues or interests your partner may not directly share. Give them a glimpse into the real you.
Differ Lovingly
You won’t always see eye to eye. Express disagreements in ways that honor both viewpoints. Don’t compromise your integrity or steamroll each other.
Admire Each Other’s Passions
When your significant other talks about things that light them up, match their enthusiasm! Let them know you think their hobbies are cool even if you don’t partake.
Make Time For Friends Who Knew You Before
Reconnecting with pals who’ve been with you through different life chapters reinvigorates your sense of self. You’re reminded of who you were before this relationship.
Flirt With Each Other’s Sides You Don’t Know Well Yet
Teach your partner about your passions. Guide them through your world and experiences. Fall in love all over again with fresh dimensions of each other.
Go On Separate Adventures Sometimes
Pursue experiences apart that excite you as individuals. Then come back together and swap stories. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder!
Continue to Grow
Don’t get so comfortable you stop learning, creating, and evolving. A fulfilling relationship never stops cultivating the people within it.
The couples that go the distance don’t lose themselves in each other. They know that healthy love isn’t about sacrificing individuality. It’s about supporting each other in shining as brightly as possible. So make time for all the activities and people that spark your soul – and encourage your partner to do the same! At the end of the day, you’ll both be happier.
In Closing…
A loving partnership shouldn’t consume you whole. The most successful couples give each person space to flourish as individuals. This leads to more fulfillment and less resentment.
Rather than constantly capitulating to your mate, honor your own needs and wants too. Doing so will nurture your spirit and strengthen your bond. Approach conflicts as opportunities to grow together, not power struggles.
Prioritize open communication, compromise, and respect. Understand that differing wants aren’t a reflection of the relationship, but rather two complex people navigating how to intersect. With care and willingness to listen, you’ll discover solutions that make you both happier.
The goal isn’t to put your partnership above all else but to find balance. By taking time to indulge your passions, you’ll have more joy to bring back to your significant other. This allows you to grow together, not lose yourself – the ultimate recipe for lasting love.
