Flirting can be a perplexing dance. Is that cute guy at the coffee shop just being nice or is he trying to make a move?
Did your coworker compliment your new hairstyle because she likes it or because she’s into you? Navigating romantic interest can be downright confusing.
But it doesn’t have to be! With some subtle signal reading, you can get better at decoding flirtation versus friendliness.
Here are 17 clues to help you decipher that age-old question: are they flirting or just being friendly?
1. Enthralled by You
A friendly person will politely listen when you speak but someone crushing on you will be downright enthralled. They’ll lean in with unwavering eye contact, ask follow-up questions, and hang on to your every word – even if you’re explaining the history of sodastream machines.
“Tell me more about that recalled model from the 90s,” they’ll urge with bated breath. “What happened next??” If you’ve got someone captivated by even your most mundane stories, they likely want to captivate more than just your conversational skills, if you catch my drift.
2. Lingering Eye Contact
While friendly folks make eye contact like normal humans, flirters hold it just a beat longer than usual. It’s not necessarily an intense, non-blinky gaze, but more of a warm extra second of eye-locking. If you’re finding yourself getting lost in someone’s eyes across the room, there’s a good chance they’re feeling the same butterflies.
3. Spatial Proximity
We all have an invisible personal bubble around us that determines our comfort zone. When someone penetrates that bubble, especially someone we’re attracted to, it triggers biological arousal aka butterflies, sweaty palms, the whole shebang.
So if someone gets extra close when they talk to you or accidentally grazes against you, it’s often a sign of romantic interest. They’re trying to get closer to your bubble because you make them feel all tingly.
4. An Interest in the Minutiae of You
Ever had someone recall an oddly specific detail about yourself you mentioned weeks ago? Yeah, that’s not just a friendly person – that’s someone unintentionally cataloging intimate details about you because they like you.
From your favorite flavor of seltzer to the name of your childhood pet turtle, people interested in dating you will subconsciously retain little facts so they can bring them up later and impress you. It shows they pay close attention because you matter. Even if you do bore them senseless talking about sodastream machines.
5. Mentioning Their Single Status
Unless someone is trying to send an “I’m romantically available!” signal, they typically won’t work their singlehood into casual convos. So if an acquaintance arbitrarily mentions they just went through a breakup or makes a point to rant about how annoying dating apps are, it might be their clumsy way of letting you know they’re open to mingling.
6. Turning on the Charm
Few things feel better than making someone laugh, especially someone you’re crushing on. Charming jokes, playful banter, and witty one-liners are common ways flirters spice up interactions to showcase their sunny dispositions. It makes the object of their affection feel good and gives their dopamine levels an addictive rush in the process.
So if someone suddenly gets giddy and goofy around you when they’re normally serious, it likely means they’re catching the love bug. Just try not to snort soda out of your nose when they make you laugh. Very attractive.
7. Furtive Glances
This one often happens across crowded rooms because people are too shy to flat-out stare. If you keep catching that cutie from accounting glancing your way when you look up, it’s a sign they have you on the brain and want to garner your attention. Now it’s up to you to saunter over and say hello.
8. Asking Your Advice
When someone is interested in connecting with you, they’ll find excuses to start conversations. Asking your advice on something like “Where’s the best happy hour in town” opens the door for you to say: “We should check them out together sometime!” See what they just did there? Sneaky flirting.
9. Mirroring
If you shift your posture and they unintentionally shift the same way, that’s your nervous system syncing up. Mimicking body language is an instinctual way of connecting and showing you’re on the same wavelength as someone you like.
So if you notice that guy at the bar copies the way you fix your hair or that cute coworker starts using the same phrases as you, they want you to know you’re in sync. Or at the very least, that they’re picking up what you’re putting down.
10. Playful Teasing
What do little kids do when they have a crush? Pull their hair and call them stinky faces, that’s what. Grown-up flirting isn’t much different. When someone gently teases you, it allows them to playfully interact to get a reaction without being too overt.
So if someone is jokingly poking fun at that stain on your shirt or that questionable meal you Instagrammed, take it as a compliment. It means they feel comfortable enough around you to let their playful guard down.
11. Fleeting Touches
There’s a difference between friendly back pats and lingering shoulder squeezes from interested flirters. Gentle arm grazing as they walk past or soft high fives are signs they want to initiate physical contact because they like being close to you. It arouses our skin’s sensitive nerve endings and releases “feel good” chemicals in the brain.
So if cutie pie from accounting “accidentally” brushes against you while refilling their coffee or that chatty gym buddy fixes your form with a slight touch on your back, it likely means they wanna get physical in non-workout ways too.
12. Finding Common Ground
Friendly coworkers make small talk about office gossip or the weather but flirty coworkers find excuses to uncover common interests. And they’ll continue to weave those mutual interests into subsequent conversations as an excuse to keep chatting with you:
“How was that Thai place I recommended?” or “Have you watched the new season of Stranger Things yet? We should order takeout and binge it together.” See the smooth segue into hangout plans? Classic flirt maneuver.
13. Compliments
Letting someone know you find them or something they did attractive is a risky flirtation tactic because it reveals interest. But the upside is it makes people feel awesome! Even a small “I like your glasses” opens the door for bonding and more intimate convos that build attraction. Because let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to keep talking to the person making them feel amazing?
14. Name Dropping
Using someone’s name makes things feel more personal. That’s why salespeople are trained to remember names and use them frequently. It triggers a subconscious warm familiarity. So if someone keeps casually inserting your name into convos, the odds are high that they like you as more than a pal.
15. Chivalry
Men are conditioned to “take care” of women they’re interested in. So if Ryan from accounting dotes on you by offering to grab a coffee, walks you to your car late at night “just to be safe,” or helps carry that cumbersome conference room projector you’re lugging around, he wants you to see him as boyfriend material.
16. Undivided Attention
It’s flattering when new friends or dates get distracted by texts and calls but don’t even glance at their phones out of respect for you. Laser focus and avoiding interruption demonstrate genuine intrigue in what you’re saying. It also conveys that they don’t want the special moment between you two to end.
So if hottie McDreamy talks to you for an hour and makes no move to check their phone when it dings, rest assured they are vibing on you.
Conclusion
The dance of flirtation doesn’t have to be confusing. With some body language decoding and signal reading, you can determine interest and reciprocity. So whether it’s romance or just friendly mingling you’re after, go forth and flirt confidently knowing you can discern the difference!
