You’ve swiped right on someone who caught your eye. Now what? How do you turn that match into a date?
The answer lies in your messages. Your messages are the bridge between your profile and your real-life persona. They can make or break your chances of getting to know someone better. But messaging is not as easy as it seems. It requires creativity, confidence, and tact.
You need to know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. You also need to avoid common pitfalls that can ruin your impression.
That’s why we’ve created this ultimate guide to online dating messages. In this guide, you’ll learn everything you need to know about messaging like a pro. From dos and don’ts to secrets and tips, we’ve got you covered.
Why Messaging Matters
Messaging is a make or break in online dating. With so much choice and competition, you need to stand out from the crowd. Lazy messages get ignored, while captivating ones ignite conversations.
But messaging is tricky. You’re navigating between being interesting and coming on too strong. The key is finding the sweet spot that piques curiosity and builds rapport.
With the right approach, messaging becomes an opportunity instead of an obstacle. You can:
- Showcase your personality beyond your profile
- Build emotional connections by learning about them
- Create comfort and trust before meeting IRL
Messaging sets the tone for potential relationships. Done right, it becomes the bridge taking you from digital flirting to real-life dates.
Mistakes to Avoid At All Costs
We all make mistakes, especially when navigating new experiences like online dating. But some messaging mistakes are surefire ways to get ignored. Avoid these pitfalls at all costs:
1. Generic and Low-Effort Openers
Openers like “Hey”, “What’s up?”, or “How was your weekend?” show zero personality or effort. Starting a conversation this way makes you forgettable when your match is inundated with messages.
Put thought into crafting a unique opener based on their profile. This shows you respect their individuality and are willing to put in effort.
2. Copy-Pasted Messages
We can spot copy-pasted messages a mile away. Don’t be lazy – take time to craft messages tailored to each match. Building rapport requires personalization.
3. Overly Familiar Language
Using pet names, suggestive language, or excessive emojis too soon comes across as presumptuous. Keep it friendly and cool until you get to know each other better. Over-familiarity before you meet can be off-putting.
4. Life Story-Length Messages
Crafting thoughtful openers is important, but know when to rein it in. Messages longer than a few paragraphs overload a match when you’re still strangers. Keep it short and sweet early on.
5. Bad Grammar and Spelling
Typos happen, but consistent grammar and spelling errors give the impression you don’t care. Online messaging is your chance to put your wittiest, most charming foot forward.
6. Negativity or Complaints
Nobody wants to talk to Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer! Avoid complaining about dating or unloading personal problems on someone you just met. Keep it light and positive.
7. Asking for Personal Details Too Soon
Requesting personal contact details or trying to transition to texting too quickly can come across as aggressive. Take it slowly and let comfort and trust build naturally.
8. Inappropriate Compliments
Comments on someone’s appearance or body – especially sexual remarks – are surefire ways to make matches uncomfortable. Keep compliments polite and focused on non-physical traits early on.
Crafting Captivating Openers
Great openers spark curiosity, showcase your personality, and show you read their profile. Avoid dull questions and give your matches something meaty to chew on.
Get creative:
- Comment on something unique in their profile – a quirky hobby, favorite movie, etc. This shows you paid attention.
- Ask an interesting question related to their bio – this gives them an easy opening to respond.
- Share something about yourself and ask their opinion – this invites them to engage.
- Compliment a personality trait or interest, not physical looks.
- Be playful and ask a funny hypothetical question.
- Reference current events or pop culture you both may enjoy.
The possibilities are endless! Just make it personal and thoughtful.
Examples of captivating openers:
- “Kombucha making class? That sounds awesome – I’d love to hear how someone gets into fermenting foods.”
- “You listed Batman as your favorite superhero. Controversial take – convince me he’s better than Iron Man!”
- “Fellow dog lover here. What’s the funniest thing your pup has ever done?”
- “If you could time travel, would you go backward or forward in time?”
Keeping the Conversation Flowing
You got a response – nice work! Now you need conversation skills to keep things moving. Avoid lulls in messaging and nurture the budding connection.
- Ask follow-up questions to show interest in what they share.
- Share stories or anecdotes related to the topic. Vulnerability builds bonds!
- Sprinkle in light humor – sharing laughs brings people closer.
- If the conversation goes quiet, re-engage with a new question.
- Don’t overdo it with constant messaging. Give space between responses to avoid burnout.
- Suggest switching to a quick phone call or video chat for a change of pace.
Moving From Messaging to Meeting
Once you’ve established some rapport, move things to the next level. Lingering too long in messaging purgatory will make you lose momentum.
Tips for asking them out:
- Suggest meeting for a quick coffee or drink rather than a formal dinner. Lower stakes help reduce nerves!
- Bring it up conversationally – “I’d love to keep chatting about this over coffee sometime. Are you free on Thursday?”
- If you get rejected, graciously accept it and wish them well. Rejection happens, so don’t take it personally!
- Once you have a date set up, limit messaging to confirming logistics. Save getting to know them for in-person.
Final Tips for Online Dating Messaging Success
Mastering messaging takes practice but gets easier over time. Here are some final tips:
- Put effort into each message while also keeping things lighthearted.
- Adjust your approach based on the vibe you get from someone’s bio.
- Let the conversation unfold naturally – don’t force it.
- Know when to pull back outdated social scripts about “playing hard to get”. Be reasonably responsive to show interest.
- Remember patience and persistence pay off. Not every conversation will turn into a date – and that’s okay!
Messaging sets the stage for everything that follows, from flirtatious banter to meaningful relationships. With the right skills, you can turn online matches into offline romance. Happy messaging!
