The dating scene can feel like a hopeless wasteland sometimes. You’ve scoured every dating app, gone on countless first dates, and have yet to meet someone who truly connects with you.
“Where have all the good men gone?” you wonder.
It’s easy to conclude that all the great guys are already in happy relationships. While your friends post cute couples’ photos and plan their dream weddings, you’re stuck in an endless cycle of lackluster dates and disappointment.
But is this notion that all the good men are already “off the market” just a myth? Or is there some truth to the idea that the dating pool shrinks as we get older? Let’s examine…
The “Good Ones Are Taken” Belief: Reasons It Resonates
It’s easy to see why this concept of the dating pool drying up resonates with so many singles. After all, we’ve likely seen happily married friends “exit the game” over the years.
And at a certain age, some of the most eligible bachelors do seem to pair off. Those with good jobs, emotional maturity, and solid values become harder to find on the apps.
There are a few reasons this notion carries weight:
1. Biological clocks and societal pressures
For women especially, there can be intense pressure to find “the one” before time runs out for kids. With biological clocks ticking, the need to settle down can motivate people to commit earlier.
Meanwhile, family members might be dropping not-so-subtle hints about wanting grandkids. The feeling that time is running out can cause people to couple up quickly.
2. The paradox of choice
Dating apps have created a paralyzing paradox of choice. With millions of options at our fingertips, people can get stuck in analysis paralysis.
Rather than getting to know someone, it’s tempting to go back to swiping in hopes of finding a better match. This indecision can prevent deeper connections from forming.
3. People do grow into themselves
There’s truth to the idea that people become more comfortable in their own skin as they mature. Those who were once shy or insecure start exuding newly found confidence in their 30s.
With experience comes emotional intelligence and self-awareness. So in some ways, men do become “better” with age. At least from a maturity and stability standpoint.
So yes, in some ways, the dating pool does seem to shrink with age. Especially if you’re looking for someone established and emotionally mature.
But does this mean you should give up hope of meeting someone special? Absolutely not! With the right mindset and approach, there are plenty of great people left to meet.
Here are 5 tips for keeping an abundance mindset when it comes to dating:
1. Expand Your Social Circles
Rather than sticking to the same friends and social circles, push yourself to expand your networks. The more people you meet, the more singles you’ll be introduced to.
- Attend professional networking events related to your industry or passions
- Take a class (cooking, art, finance) to meet like-minded people
- Get involved with a nonprofit or volunteer organization
- Organize a dinner party and invite friends-of-friends
Meeting people organically through existing social structures is a great way to encounter potential matches you never would have found otherwise.
2. Ditch the Checklist Approach
Do you have an ironclad checklist of must-have traits in a partner? While it’s good to have standards, an overly rigid list can limit your options.
Rather than writing someone off for one imperfection, give people a chance. You may discover an unexpectedly great connection with someone who doesn’t match your “ideal type.”
Stay open to possibilities instead of dismissing people too quickly. Flexible minds often have the most abundant dating lives.
3. Work on Yourself First
This may seem counterintuitive. How will staying single increase your chances of meeting someone?
Here’s how: When you work on yourself first, you increase your self-esteem and naturally attract more potential suitors.
Rather than desperately seeking someone to complete you, enhance yourself through:
- Regular exercise
- Cultivating passions and hobbies
- Building your career or skills
- Surrounding yourself with supportive friends
When your own life feels full and enriching, you won’t settle for mediocre relationships anymore. This energy is magnetic to quality people seeking someone fulfilled in their own right.
4. Release the Timeline
As discussed, societal and family pressures can rush people into relationships for the wrong reasons. Rather than getting hung up on timelines, let things progress organically.
Enjoy dating and getting to know yourself better through these experiences. See each new person as someone who can expand your horizons, not just a potential life partner.
When you release the self-imposed time pressures, you’ll make more authentic relationship decisions.
5. Believe You Deserve It
Mindset is everything. If you believe all the good ones are taken, that will be your reality. Self-fulfilling prophecies stem from core beliefs about what we deserve.
Work on building unshakable self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. When your standards come from a place of love for yourself, you’ll attract those who rise to meet them.
Shift your inner narrative – you are worthy of the fulfilling relationship you seek. Abundance in dating originates from the abundance of self.
Ask Yourself: Are You Truly Ready?
As you shift your perspective to welcome more love into your life, ask yourself:
- Am I truly available and ready to meet someone? Or am I energetically closed off?
- What old stories or limiting beliefs could be holding me back?
- What would my ideal dating life look and feel like? How can I embody those qualities now?
Ariane’s Journey from Heartbreak to Hope
Ariane was certain all the good men were taken. Her ex left her as a single mom 17 years ago, and she hadn’t met a quality guy since.
Understandably, Ariane was angry and felt victimized by worthless men and unfair circumstances. In her mind, investing any more energy into dating seemed pointless.
But was Ariane seeing the full picture? Were all men truly “lazy and incapable” as she believed? Or were her perceptions clouded by the traumatic past?
The Effects of Cracked Glasses
Imagine you crack your glasses and can now only see the world through distorted lenses. Certain realities become blurred or magnified.
This is how cognitive biases work. When painful events happen, the mind can adopt distorted thought patterns that reinforce victimhood.
In Ariane’s case, her ex’s behavior shattered her trust in men. The “cracked glasses” made every masculine action appear negative through a warped lens.
By clinging to this story, Ariane affirmed her own victim status. It was less threatening than believing she could still create positive change.
Energy Attracts Its Match
There’s also a phenomenon in relationships where we attract partners at our current energetic frequency.
When Ariane’s self-esteem was low and her outlook bleak, this negative energy field subconsciously pulled in similarly vibrating matches.
So while Ariane was meeting men who continued to disappoint her, she was unknowingly co-creating this experience. Her cracked glass perspective then confirmed that all men were the problem.
In reality, Ariane needed to do inner work to release old hurts and raise her energetic setpoint. This would magnetize new realities.
Steps Ariane Could Take
With compassion for her pain, here are steps Ariane could take:
- Process anger and grief – In safe therapeutic settings, consciously work through unresolved emotions from the past. Don’t suppress old wounds.
- Practice self-kindness – Combat low self-worth with consistent messages of self-love and nurturing activities. Boost self-esteem.
- Set healthy boundaries – Learn to say no and walk away from anyone disrespectful. Value yourself enough to demand care and empathy.
- Envision an abundant future – Use visualization, meditation, and affirmations to align with a reality where anything is possible. This new energy will attract matches.
- Take action – Implement tangible steps to improve self-confidence through fitness, socializing, and speaking up at work. Movement creates momentum.
The path requires courage, but Ariane has the power to create the love story she deserves.
Are You Ready for a Fresh Mindset?
So next time you’re tempted to say “All the good ones are taken,” stop yourself. Breathe and remember the possibilities waiting to unfold once you shift your state of mind. Expect miracles, and they’re sure to blossom in miraculous ways.
The dating pool looks different for each person based on their outlook. Believe in your capacity to attract an extraordinary match – and that belief will shape your reality. With an open heart and positive spirit, love finds a way. The path may unwind differently than you pictured, but trust it’s leading towards something beautiful.
