Getting ghosted is an unfortunately common experience in the world of online dating and relationships.
You meet someone, exchange a few messages, go on a great first date, and just when you think things are going well…poof! They disappear without a trace. No text back, no explanation – just gone.
As disheartening as it feels to get ghosted, there are constructive ways to handle it so you can move forward in a positive way.
This comprehensive guide covers all the key dos and don’ts of getting ghosted.
What Exactly is Ghosting?
Ghosting refers to when someone you have been messaging or dating suddenly stops all communication without any warning or explanation. One day you’re making plans for the weekend, the next – nothing.
It goes beyond someone needing space or wanting to slow things down. Ghosting means completely dropping all contact unexpectedly.
This disappearing act often happens after things seem to be going well. You may have had several great dates over the weeks and months, exchanged intimate details about your lives, and then poof – you get ghosted out of the blue.
Common Reasons People Ghost
While you may spend hours obsessing over what you did wrong or trying to find an explanation, ghosting often has little to do with you. Here are some common reasons people ghost others:
- They started dating someone new and more seriously, so they dropped communication with you without properly ending things.
- They decided they just weren’t feeling enough of a connection but felt awkward having that talk.
- Something else came up in their life like a family emergency or major work project that distracted them.
- They lost interest or met someone else but didn’t have the courage to tell you directly.
- They started struggling with some personal issues like depression or anxiety that made communication difficult.
The point is, that ghosting tends to reflect more on the person doing it than the person receiving it. Although rejection always stings, look at ghosting as revealing more about their communication style than anything about you.
How to Tell If You’ve Been Ghosted
It’s possible you feel ghosted after a few days of no contact, but they actually have a legitimate reason for being unavailable. Before assuming the worst, look for these definitive signs:
- They abruptly stopped responding to any texts or calls, usually after a previous pattern of regular communication.
- They aren’t just taking longer to respond but now have gone completely silent for more than a week.
- They continue posting actively on social media during the period of no contact.
- Your messages have been “left on read” but they never reply.
- They haven’t attempted to give any explanation for their absence or request for space.
If you’ve experienced these behaviors, it’s a likely sign they’ve ghosted. Now what?
What Not to Do When Ghosted (Don’ts Of Getting Ghosted)
Getting ghosted can feel downright infuriating and hurtful. While lashing out may feel cathartic in the moment, it tends to prolong the pain and never leads to any resolution. Here’s what not to do:
Don’t Keep Texting or Calling Repeatedly
You’ve probably sent a few confused messages asking if they’re still interested or wanting an explanation. When those go unanswered, continuing to pepper them with call and texts will come across as desperate or needy.
If someone has made the choice to cut off contact, bombarding them will rarely make them open back up. All it does is make them feel more justified in their decision.
Don’t Leave Voicemails Demanding Answers
Leaving dramatic voicemails asking “How could you do this?” or demanding closure will only embarrass you down the line. Chances are, they’ve moved on and won’t even listen to the message.
Even if they do, what satisfaction comes from an explanation they are forced to give? Accept that ghosting itself is the closure.
Don’t Try to Contact Them on Different Numbers or Platforms
Doing detective work to find their office number, showing up at places they hang out, or messaging their friends is never okay. It comes across as unhinged behavior.
Respect that they’ve set a boundary with their silence. Crossing into “stalking” territory will only make things worse.
Don’t Bash Them on Social Media
You may be inclined to subtweet or post memes about how terrible they are for ghosting. While venting can feel good temporarily, put that energy into less public outlets like journaling or talking to a trusted friend.
Social callouts end up backfiring by making you look bitter and leaving digital traces of negativity tied to your name.
Don’t Blame Yourself or Think You Did Something Wrong
When ghosted unexpectedly, it’s easy to get fixated on replaying every conversation and interaction to figure out what you did wrong. Truth is, it likely had nothing to do with you.
Ghosting tends to say more about the other person’s issues, character flaws, or dysfunctional patterns. Don’t internalize it.
Healthy Ways to Respond to Ghosting (Do’s Of Getting Ghosted)
So if all those knee-jerk responses should be avoided, what can you do to take care of yourself and move forward? Follow these sane tips:
Let Yourself Feel the Feelings
Ghosting hurts for a good reason. You’re only human for feeling rejected, confused, or blindsided.
Give yourself space to sit with the sadness, anger, loss – whatever emotions bubble up. Cry it out, punch a pillow, vent to close friends. Process it so you can eventually move through it.
Remove Their Contact Info
Delete their number, unfollow them on social media, and remove all traces so you’re not tempted to reach out. If they wanted to talk, they wouldn’t have ghosted.
Out of sight can help them fade out of mind. Remove those constant reminders panging your heart.
Fill Your Time With Joy and Activity
The sadness may creep up at quiet moments. Combat it by filling your schedule with activities and people who lift you up. Spend more time on hobbies, nurturing platonic relationships, and exploring new places.
Staying busy and engaged with life prevents you from wallowing. Surround yourself with positivity.
Write a Goodbye Letter – For Your Eyes Only
Pour out your thoughts and feelings in a goodbye letter. Getting them on paper can help provide closure. Just don’t send it!
Keep it for your eyes only as a therapeutic exercise to process it all. Then burn it or delete it later.
Speak Kindly to Yourself
Many abandonment issues stem from childhood. If this experience triggered old wounds, be extra loving toward yourself.
Rather than shaming messages like “you’re not lovable,” offer compassion: “This says nothing about my worth or lovability”.
Be Picky About Future Prospects
Someone who ghosts probably has issues with maturity, communication skills, and courage.
Take time to heal, and then be selective when putting yourself back out there. Screen for red flags to weed out similar thoughtless individuals.
You deserve someone who can communicate their feelings and treat you with basic decency. Wait for that kind of partner.
Reframe it as a Blessing
Try looking at ghosting as the universe protecting you. This person clearly wasn’t aligned with your needs. Now you’re one step closer to finding someone who is.
Trust that you just dodged a bullet down the line. Something better suited for you awaits.
When Ghosting Might be Justified
Ghosting should not be anyone’s go-to way of ending things. Direct, compassionate communication is always ideal. However, there are certain situations where ghosting could be warranted:
- After just a message or two online with no in-person meeting. At this early stage, ghosting stings far less.
- After one or two dates before emotional investment has developed.
- If they exhibit abusive, manipulative, or dangerous behaviors. Ghosting for self-protection is understandable.
- If they directly ask you to stop contacting them but won’t initiate an explanation. Grant them that space.
Ghosting should never be done lightly but occasionally it’s the right call. Use good judgment based on the depth of the relationship and how the other person would likely take it.
Err on the side of a brief message saying you don’t see things going further. But your safety comes first if they seem unstable or aggressive.
Moving Forward After Ghosting
Whether you were ghosted after a few dates or a few years, it hurts like hell. Allow yourself to fully feel that pain. But don’t dwell on it or let it crush your spirit to find love.
This reflection experience gives you insight into the kind of partner you don’t want. When you’re ready, get back out there and keep your heart open.
The right person will come along who would never dream of vanishing from your life unexpectedly. Trust that by weathering this hurt, you become wiser in what you need and don’t need in relationships. If something didn’t feel right or fulfilling with this person, see it as clearing space for something better aligned.
