Falling in love can be tricky. You meet someone new and start to like them. You both enjoy talking and have common hobbies.
But as you get closer, you start seeing things that worry you. A date gets canceled, and a strange text message.
Suddenly, the relationship you thought was going well starts to get confusing.
Be careful, because not everyone in love has good intentions.
This guide will help you understand how to spot people who are just playing games, so you can protect your feelings.
1. “I’m Not Ready for a Relationship Right Now”
This is one of the more obvious signs that a man is trying to keep things casual and avoid commitment. Now, some men genuinely may not be ready for exclusivity due to past relationships or where they’re at in life. However, others will use this excuse to keep stringing a woman along.
For example, 29-year-old Danielle had been dating Mike for three months when she broached the topic of becoming official. Mike seemed affectionate and acted like a boyfriend when they were together, so she felt confident about taking the next step. However, when she asked if he was ready to be exclusive, Mike insisted he “wasn’t at a place for a relationship yet.” This led to a cycle of breaking up and getting back together while Mike strung Danielle along for nearly a year, refusing to commit but also insisting he cared about her.
Ask yourself: how long has he been saying he’s “not ready”? How does he treat you when you’re together? If his words and actions don’t match up, it may be time to move on. A man who is genuinely interested and wants you in his life will want to make it official.
2. “I Don’t Want to Ruin What We Have”
On the surface, this seems like a caring sentiment. What guy wouldn’t want to preserve a good thing? However, men who play the field often use this line when a woman brings up commitment to avoid being pinned down.
Jasmine, 32, had been dating Sam for seven months when she asked if they could define the relationship and become exclusive. While they spent most nights together, met each other’s friends, and seemed inseparable, Sam balked. “Jasmine, you know how much I care about you. I just don’t want to ruin what we have or move too fast by slapping a label on it. Let’s just see where this goes.”
Sam’s resistance to defining the relationship signaled that he wanted to keep riding the wave of casual dating indefinitely. While leading Jasmine on with the promise of potential, Sam ultimately resisted her desire for commitment at every turn.
Pay attention to actions more than promises. If a man drags his heels on commitment after months of dating, it’s often a sign that he’s enjoying the status quo and doesn’t want to get tied down. Don’t let yourself get strung along waiting for a day that likely will never come.
3. “I’m Focusing On My Career Right Now”
Ambition and drive are attractive qualities in a partner, but some men use their career as an excuse to avoid relationships. Now, focusing on professional goals is perfectly valid, and timing may genuinely not allow for commitment. However, it becomes problematic when “focusing on my career” stretches on as months turn into years.
26-year-old Sofia has heard this line many times. “I’ve dated a few guys who were super focused on the next promotion or job change, and used that to rationalize why they couldn’t commit,” she shared. “It always starts out understanding – yeah, of course, your career is important! But they use it as a shield to avoid ever progressing the relationship to the next level.”
If you’ve been dating for months and the career excuse hasn’t let up, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Discuss what realistic timing could look like based on his goals. If he continues to be vague or avoids the topic, it’s often a sign that his ambition is directed at bachelorhood rather than your shared future.
4. “I Don’t Deserve You”
Some men rely on this line to keep a woman’s affection while holding commitment at bay. Essentially, they play the part of the wounded bird in need of care to hook their partner in while avoiding reciprocation. However, if a man genuinely cares for you, he’ll want to rise to meet your emotional needs, not hide behind excuses.
Megan, 28, experienced this firsthand with Adam, a guy she dated for five months. “Whenever I tried to get closer or bring up defining the relationship, Adam would get evasive and insist he was no good for me,” Megan said. “It led to this push-pull dynamic where I was constantly trying to prove my worth and ‘fix’ him. Meanwhile, he never made any effort to commit or invest in the relationship.”
Does this sound familiar? The “I’m no good for you” proclamation can be a clever ploy some men employ, often unconsciously, to avoid stepping up while keeping their partner hooked in. It forces you into the role of emotional caretaker and deflects focus from their lack of commitment.
Don’t let yourself get strung along trying to heal or convince someone they’re worthy. At the end of the day, you deserve reciprocity and commitment from an equal partner, not a project.
5. “I’m Not Seeing Anyone Else”
When you bring up exclusivity, some men are quick to reassure you that they’re not dating around or sleeping with other people. “It’s just you,” they insist. But they stop short of commitment or an actual relationship.
Many people assume monogamy and commitment go hand in hand, but they are not the same. Plenty of situations turn into multi-month dating relationships without ever progressing to girlfriend/boyfriend status.
Erica, 35, learned this lesson after dating Josh for six months. “When I asked about making it official, Josh insisted we were exclusive and he wasn’t seeing anyone else,” Erica said. “But every time I tried to progress things, Josh reiterated he didn’t believe in labels. It was so frustrating!”
While emotional commitment takes time for some, if it’s been months and he refuses to define the relationship, it’s often a sign he’s enjoying the comfort without the responsibility. Don’t settle for false promises in place of commitment.
6. “I’m Scared of Getting Hurt Again”
Heartbreak is a sadly universal human experience, and it’s understandable that past pain can make someone guarded. However, men who serially use this excuse to avoid intimacy are often not being entirely truthful. Many commitment-phobes hide behind the shield of past trauma to rationalize their fear of settling down.
For example, Hailey dated a guy named Evan for nearly a year. When she brought up making their relationship official, Evan shared how badly his ex had hurt him and insisted he “needed more time before he could open up again.” However, later Hailey learned that Evan had used this same story with other women to avoid committing.
A good litmus test is considering how he discusses past relationships. Does he take responsibility for his role in breakups? Or does he use stories of “crazy exes” to paint himself as the victim? Watch for patterns of deflection and avoidance. Protecting yourself involves being able to separate truth from convenient excuses.
7. “We’re Just Having Fun” / “Let’s See Where This Goes”
Early on, it’s reasonable not to have concrete expectations. You’re still getting to know each other, having great dates, and enjoying that honeymoon period. However, men who wish to remain casual forever will often use innocent phrases like “let’s just have fun and see where this goes” on a loop to avoid commitment.
Sarah, 29, dealt with this when dating Dylan. “Whenever I’d ask Dylan where he saw things going, he’d say we should just have fun and not ‘put pressure on things’ by overthinking,” said Sarah. “But after six months, it was clear Dylan just wanted a girlfriend experience without the responsibility.”
Pay attention to patterns rather than one-off phrases. While enjoyment and spontaneity are part of dating’s thrill, if every serious talk gets deflected with “let’s just see where things go,” it’s often a sign he wishes the status quo would go on indefinitely.
8. “You Deserve Better” / “I’ll Only Hold You Back”
On the surface, phrases like this seem noble – he cares about you so much that he’d let you go to find someone better, right? Wrong. Men who truly care about you will step up and rise to the occasion, not hide behind self-deprecation.
Maria, 24, dealt with these platitudes when she dated Chris. “Chris would always insist I was ‘too good’ for him or ‘out of his league’ when I wanted to get serious,” Maria said. “At first, it seemed like vulnerability because Chris had low self-esteem. But really, it was a way to avoid committing while keeping me hooked in trying to convince him he was worthy.”
When you hear these “I’m no good for you” proclamations, don’t let them deter you from requiring reciprocity. You deserve a partner who is equally yoked and willing to rise to the occasion, not someone who hides behind feigned humility.
9. “You’re Pressuring Me”
When a man says this in response to you wanting more commitment, it’s often a deflection tactic. It shifts the blame back onto you, causing you to second-guess your needs rather than focusing on his lack of readiness to step up.
Kayla, 30, has dealt with this scenario multiple times in dating. “Looking back, whenever I brought up taking the next step, guys would insist I was trying to ‘pressure them’ into something they weren’t ready for,” she said. “It made me feel guilty, but really, they just knew I wanted more commitment and used this line to shut down the conversation.”
Remember, wanting commitment after months of dating is not unreasonable. Expressing your authentic needs is healthy, not pushy. A man who accuses you of pressuring him when you initiate this discussion may be trying to flip the script rather than owning up to his avoidance.
In Closing
Learning to spot the common excuses and platitudes men rely on to avoid commitment is crucial. While not every guy is playing intentional games, many commitment-phobes unconsciously use these lines to evade exclusivity while reaping casual relationship benefits.
Trust actions over words. If he makes no effort to integrate you into his life, stalls on progression, or avoids labeling the relationship after months of dating, it may be time to have a frank conversation or re-evaluate spending more time in a dead-end situation.
You deserve someone as equally invested in commitment as you, not just comfortable with the status quo. Stay true to your needs and don’t let anyone pressure you to settle for less than you deserve. With self-awareness and confidence, you’ll weed out time-wasters and find someone who can’t wait to commit to you.
