Love doesn’t retire at 60. Stepping into the dating arena with decades of life’s lessons, you’re equipped to find a heart that resonates with yours.
But tread carefully; not all that glitters is gold.
Early detection of red flags can save you from future heartache, letting you cherish the companionship that truly enriches your golden years.
So, in the dance of later-life dating, it’s wise to know the moves that signal trouble. Here are the 5 red flags to watch for.
They Seem Very Bitter About Past Relationships
We all carry some relationship baggage later in life. However, a new partner who gets angry or bitter when discussing their romantic history may indicate trouble ahead.
Watch for:
- Frequent, angry rants about exes early on. This level of unresolved anger is a red flag.
- Making overly cynical or generalizing comments about love or relationships. For example, “No one of the opposite sex can be trusted.” This can signal they haven’t moved on.
- Unwillingness to take personal responsibility for past relationship failures. They blame all their exes as “crazy” or “horrible.”
- Reluctance to acknowledge their role in previous break-ups. This may hint at a lack of self-awareness or accountability.
The bitterness that remains at the forefront even when entering a new relationship suggests unresolved issues. These can seep into and damage budding connections. Proceed cautiously if a new dating partner checks any of the above boxes.
They Have Serious Financial Problems
Later in life financial stability and compatibility become increasingly important when dating. Serious financial issues or avoiding money topics altogether are alarming signs.
Be concerned about:
- Existing significant debts like credit card balances, personal loans, or bankruptcy. These can impact joint retirement dreams.
- Pushing to combine finances very quickly before truly knowing one another.
- Subtle or direct requests for you to provide financial support. For example, asking to “borrow” money early on.
- Dodging money-related conversations completely or refusing to discuss finances transparently.
Ideally, a partner will be open about income, assets, debts, credit history, and financial priorities. Share your situation as well. Make sure your styles align before progressing too far.
Controlling or Manipulative Behavior
Controlling or emotionally manipulative partners erode confidence and independent judgment. Warning signs include:
Watch for them:
- Getting angry if you do your own activities or see friends without them. You deserve personal freedom.
- Laying guilt trips when you don’t comply with their expectations 100%. Real love doesn’t demand losing yourself.
- Volunteering what you “should” do, think, or feel rather than accepting you know yourself best. Concerning.
- Making you “earn” their affection through compliance rather than care being unconditional. Unhealthy dynamic.
- Not respecting boundaries you set clearly. This dismissing of your needs risks codependency.
A supportive partner will honor your autonomy and independent identity, not require that you orbit only around them.
Unrealistic Relationship Expectations
Understandably those in their 60s seek meaningful companionship after loss or divorce. However, projecting strong expectations too soon can undermine new relationships.
Note concerns around:
- Pushing to move in together or blend families very quickly before establishing true compatibility. Be wary.
- Discussing marriage extensively after only a few dates or weeks. Too premature.
- Having rigid rules about how often you “should” communicate/see each other at the start. Allows little organic growth.
- Struggling to accept partners having autonomous plans or obligations outside the relationship. Unrealistic expectations of constant togetherness.
Healthy connections develop gradually based on the continuing discovery of alignment on life goals and values. Rushing things risks missing problematic disconnects clouded by initial chemistry.
They Ignore Your Values and Priorities
True partners support each other’s passions and respect differences they may not fully understand. However, some ignore the core elements of who you are.
Be alert to:
- Dismissiveness about your career, creative outlets, volunteer work, or causes you care about. These are part of you.
- Pushing you to abandon activities important to your self-identity in order to spend more time catering to them. Be cautious if asked to change who you are at the core.
- Lack of curiosity to understand what drives you intrinsically and why you hold certain values. Concerning lack of interest.
- Unwillingness to sometimes compromise or participate in things you enjoy for the sake of the partnership. Relationships involve balance.
Ideally, your partner will make genuine efforts to appreciate your identity and priorities, not require that you alter them.
Health Concerns
In our 60s maintaining health grows increasingly vital to quality of life. Be mindful of:
Take note if new partners:
- Don’t prioritize caring for physical or mental health responsibly despite having access to care. Concerning lack of self-care.
- Abuse substances like alcohol, prescription medications or illegal drugs. These coping mechanisms can sabotage relationships.
- Hide admitted health challenges early on or get defensive when you show care or concern. Dishonesty risks.
- Blame others for ongoing illnesses or conditions they could improve by changing habits. Deflecting responsibility.
No one expects perfection. But self-awareness around health issues and commitment to self-care routines reveal maturity and relationship readiness.
Conclusion
Entering a new relationship brings excitement as well as judgments best made slowly based on behaviors, not words. Heed the above red flags if present. And remember:
In closing:
- Trust your instincts if you have doubts or feel you’re making excuses for questionable behavior. Don’t ignore warning signs even if other factors look promising.
- No matter how lonely, don’t settle for a truly unhealthy relationship just to avoid being alone. Seek counseling first if unsure.
- The “right” partner will share your values, respect who you uniquely are, and support your priorities by making reasonable compromises. You deserve nothing less.
Stay true to your needs and compatible matches have a stronger chance of flourishing long-term.
