Stepping into the first date arena can feel like defusing a bomb—say the wrong thing, and it all blows up.
Believe me, I’ve seen the fallout from ill-chosen words.
To keep the conversation flowing and the sparks flying, dodge these five no-go topics for a chance at date number two.
1. Past Relationship Baggage
Why did your last relationship end? Who initiated the breakup? What went wrong? Save the relationship autopsy for later. Dwelling on past failed relationships or messy breakups on a first date is a surefire way to sour the mood.
Your date wants to get to know the present you, not the ghosts of your relationship past. Think of a first date like a friendly networking event – you wouldn’t probe a stranger’s divorce details there, so keep it light when first meeting a potential partner as well. There will be time for deeper discussions down the road.
Anastasia, learned this lesson the hard way…
She met Liam for dinner at a cozy Italian restaurant downtown. Ten minutes into the date, the conversation turned to past relationships. Liam started venting about his “psycho ex” who ruined his life after their breakup last year. Anastasia tried changing the subject, but Liam kept steering it back to past drama.
The night ended early with an awkward hug. Neither suggested a second date.
Save the baggage unpacking for the 4th or 5th date when you know there’s potential. The first encounter should be light and positive!
2. Complaints or Negativity
Being negative and complaining works against you in life, and especially in dating. Having a positive, enthusiastic outlook makes you more attractive – who wants to be around constant mopiness? But somehow this common sense gets lost on some daters.
Avoid using your first date as a therapy session to vent about everything that’s wrong in your world. Ranting about your job, family, finances, politics, etc. You want to present the best version of yourself, not unload bitterness onto a stranger.
Here’s what this scenario looks like from the male perspective…
Michael, 59, met Lana for lunch last week. She arrived 10 minutes late, complaining about traffic and bad weather ruining her outfit. Things only got worse when the conversation turned to Lana’s “nightmare” boss and her desire to switch careers.
In Michael’s words, “She’s going to be a nightmare as a girlfriend with that attitude!” He didn’t ask for a second date.
First dates should be positive and light – save the negativity for your therapist.
3. Too Much Information on Health Issues
Everybody has some health stuff going on, but delving into medical problems on a first date often crosses the line into oversharing. There’s no need to disclose your recent root canal, battle with hemorrhoids, or upcoming cosmetic surgery. TMI!
Steve, met a woman who spent the first 30 minutes describing her daughter’s mental health struggles in detail. Understandably, there wasn’t a second date.
The first date should be about getting to know someone in a fun, romantic way – not comparing medical charts. Keep it positive and save the more personal health details for down the road. You want your date to think about your smile or laugh, not your IBS.
4. Controversial Opinions or Politics
With how divided things are these days, politics and controversial opinions can quickly derail a first date. Everyone has passionate views, but first meetings are not the time or place for politically charged debates. You want to learn about your date, not argue!
Avoid going on lengthy political rants or voicing extremely controversial stances when you barely know someone. There will be time for exploring your differences down the road if you make connections in other ways first.
Renee made this misstep on a first date just this week…
She met Jonathan for dinner, and 20 minutes in launched into a tirade about her political views and opinions on hot-button issues like immigration and gun control. Suffice to say, there was no second date in their future.
Remember, first dates are for light, friendly conversation focused on learning about one another. Save the spirited debates for later.
5. Problems with Family, Kids, Co-Parenting Drama
We all have some family baggage, but spilling your drama on a first date rarely goes over well. Venting about your crazy relatives, kids driving you nuts, or headaches with co-parenting should wait for later down the road.
You want your date to focus on your smile, not the minutiae of your custody arrangement. As they say, lead with the positive.
Complaining about your teenage son who has been rebellious and rude lately is not exactly first-date material!
The first few dates should highlight you at your best – your sense of humor, goals, passions, dreams, and interests. Save the deeper family dramas for when you know someone better. Too much information too soon can make a bad first impression.
First Dates Should Be Light and Engaging
To recap, the first dates are about making positive connections and having fun together. This means keeping the conversation light, and upbeat, and steering clear of anything too personal, political, or buzzkill-related.
Focus on learning about your date’s interests, hobbies, goals – things that spark his or her passion! Be open and engaged without oversharing or dwelling on the negative. Positivity and humor go a long way.
Here are some first-date topics that never fail to hit the right note:
- Funny stories from your life or work
- Favorite places to travel and why
- Hobbies or interests you’re excited about
- Pets – everyone loves talking about their fluffy friends!
- Cool events happening locally
- Memorable moments from your childhood
See the difference? These conversational springboards keep things upbeat and flowing. They reveal interesting aspects of your personality without getting too deep.
How to Recover If You Bring Up a Taboo Topic
Sometimes conversations take unexpected turns, veering into first-date no-fly zones. Don’t panic if this happens! Here are some tips to course-correct tactfully:
- Keep it brief. If you accidentally mention something like an ex, health issue, or other taboo topic, don’t dwell on it. Give the high-level facts, then pivot to a new subject.
- Use humor. If you catch yourself complaining or getting negative, make a joke to lighten the mood. Poke fun at yourself for rambling.
- Apologize if needed. A sincere apology can go a long way if you shared too much. Say you got carried away in the moment but are fully focused on the present.
- Ask engaging questions. Nothing smooths over awkward moments like an intriguing question about your date’s interests or experiences.
See, not so hard! With a bit of wittiness and genuine interest in your date, you can recover gracefully when conversations go astray.
First Date Faux Pas Are Common – Don’t Sweat It!
Don’t feel self-conscious about the first date slip-ups above. Even dating pros like myself have said the wrong thing and lived to laugh about it later!
The key is not to beat yourself up. Instead, learn from the experience and apply the knowledge to refine your dating approach. With practice and patience, conversing comfortably on first dates will become second nature.
The most important date tip I can give is to stay present. Really listen to the person across from you. Ask thoughtful questions. Share relatable anecdotes that highlight your values and personality.
Most of all, have fun getting to know someone new! A playful, easygoing mindset is ideal for first dates. The rest will organically fall into place if you remain authentic, engaged, and lead with positivity.
You’ve got this! Now you know what topics to avoid, along with tips to steer the conversation right. Here’s to many more fun, memorable first dates ahead. Just try to limit divorce talk and medical sagas, and you’ll be golden!
