You deserve a meaningful, fulfilling relationship. One built on mutual trust, respect, and devotion. But finding “the one” can feel impossible nowadays.
It’s easy to get disheartened scrolling through dating apps filled with guys who just want to hook up or seem perpetually stuck in frat boy mode.
But have hope! Mature men worthy of your affection are out there. You just need to know what to look for.
In this guide, we’ll explore 10 signs he’s a boy, not a man, so you can find a true partner to share your life with.
The Challenge of Modern Dating
Before we dive in, it’s important to acknowledge the factors that can make dating difficult for both men and women today.
Societal pressures and media often promote an unhealthy version of masculinity. One tied to being a lone wolf, never showing emotions, and conquests vs commitment. Not exactly a recipe for mature relating!
Many guys aren’t taught from a young age how to be in touch with their feelings, communicate openly, and develop emotional intelligence.
These influences can sabotage their ability to forge authentic connections. Leading them to seem self-centered or avoidant of relationships.
But this isn’t their fault! With compassion and understanding, real change is possible.
Spotting the Difference Between Boys and Men
While cultural forces can blur the lines between boys and men, there are distinguishing traits you can watch for.
Pay attention to these key areas:
1. Who Is Their Focus On?
Boys: Primarily self-interested. Their needs come first. Can seem narcissistic or self-involved.
Men: Take interest in you. Make you feel truly seen, heard, and cared for. Want to learn what will make you happy.
2. How Do They Give Compliments?
Boys: Use flattery to get what they want. Often driven by physical desires vs. genuine interest in you as a person.
Men: Express heartfelt appreciation for your unique qualities, talents, and spirit. Support you in being your best self.
3. Do They Flaunt Their Resources?
Boys: Try to impress you with flashy shows of status, wealth, and accomplishments. Think this is what matters most to win your affection.
Men: Understand real character is more important than material displays. Secure in themselves, no ego-driven need to show off.
4. How Emotionally Available Are They?
Boys: Uncomfortable with emotions. Feel vulnerable sharing feelings openly. May mock sentiments as “unmanly.”
Men: Have emotional depth and intelligence. Comfortable articulating their inner world. Eager to listen and connect on a feeling level.
5. Can They Admit Weakness?
Boys: Feel like they always need to appear tough and in control. Admitting fault or weakness is seen as failure.
Men: Have the courage and confidence to be vulnerable. Take accountability for missteps. Open to feedback for self-improvement.
6. How Responsible Are They?
Boys: Make commitments they don’t keep. Forget plans and important dates. Act dismissive about the impact on you.
Men: Follow through reliably on promises. You can count on them because they value your time and trust.
7. Do They Own Up To Mistakes?
Boys: Quick to blame others when things go wrong. Have excuses for their behavior. Don’t learn from failures.
Men: Take personal responsibility when they mess up. Sincerely apologize and put energy into changing for the better.
8. What’s Their Attitude In Conflict?
Boys: Get defensive in disagreements. Take a combative “I’m right, you’re wrong” stance. View love as a competition.
Men: Focus on resolution vs. winning. Listen to your perspective to understand. Tackle issues as a team. Value partnership.
9. Are They Secure In The Relationship?
Boys: Possessiveness, jealousy, and controlling behavior can stem from insecurity. Try to isolate you from friends/family.
Men: Have confidence in your bond. Support your outside connections. Don’t make unreasonable demands for your time/attention.
10. How Do They Respond To Your Success?
Boys: Feel threatened if you outshine them. Dim your light to stay superior. Tear you down vs build you up.
Men: Celebrate your accomplishments. Take pride in your triumphs. Love learning from an inspirational partner.
As you date, keep these markers in mind. But remember, first impressions aren’t always the full picture…
Why Even “Boys” Can Seem Appealing At First
Before writing someone off as a “boy,” it’s wise to look deeper.
Boys can come across as charming at the start. Making you feel adored with flirtatious compliments and lavish dates.
But these “moves” often stem from short-term motives vs. genuine care for who you are as a person.
Their smooth self-presentation may mask underlying immaturity. But a boy can fake being a man for a while through surface gestures.
True colors tend to reveal themselves in time, as the innocence of a new romance fades.
Stay alert for inconsistencies and cracks in their masquerade. Don’t justify red flags. Believe people when they show you who they are.
Remaining Hopeful In Your Search
Despite the hurdles, plenty of kind, emotionally-available men are out there looking for love too!
The keys are patience, wisdom, and knowing what really matters in a lasting partnership.
Seek someone who:
- Puts equal energy into your needs as their own
- Cherishes your quirks, dreams, and uniqueness
- Shows up for you consistently with their full presence
- Adores seeing you shine vs feeling threatened
- Wants to grow together through life’s ups and downs
This “forever” partnership may take time to find. But once discovered, it’s worth the wait.
Have faith, stay strong in your standards, and keep pursuing your heart’s desires.
You deserve great love. And with the right insights, you now have a map to find it.
Wishing you happy trails ahead on your journey to lifelong love!
